Goodbye 21st

Dear Diary,

I miss my baby. Really wish he was here right now. *sigh*
I hate LDRs. Nonetheless, he'll be home soon although I can forget my birthday. Maybe this year the 9th of November won't exist.

Good luck with that huh?

This year is the first year I wont be doing anything. No celebration whasoever.Just me and this date on the calendar. I think I'll buy a bottle of my favourite white wine and just drink myself to bed and dream through it.

For the first time I don't care. Talk about the many firsts this year.

Ah well.Me need a hug.

Joan

Driving aimlessly around the roundabout

Dear Diary,

I've been thinking about a lot of things lately and have no conclusions or a summary that makes sense. All I know is that one bad day doesn't define you, it makes you.

People are liars by nature. Their excuse? Survival.
So we nod our heads when we realize that standing up for something we believe in isn't making a difference but making a bigger mess than it already is. We bow down to a society where ego and hierarchical ranks breed. I accept the fact that we need guidance but I do know we don't need to be treated as if we know nothing. Where were the times when we were there to help and guide and not judge and manipulate.

I hate people who preach about how we should run our lives like theirs. Nothing is right to them but their way. Talk about bullshit.

I remember being a kid who used to watch my parents fight with my aunts and uncles because of different views on things. Whenever that happened, I wouldn't be able to visit or talk to them. It was about choosing sides. I didn't understand. I still don't understand and today, I don't want to. I hate family diners because after I left, rumours circulated. We all know how true rumours are.

*sigh*

Right. Now something else just cropped up and I have to come up with something fast before it stirs itself out of course. I hate uncalled for pressure.

Ugh.

Joan

Picture perfect me if you can

Dear Diary,

The much anticipated picture of my new look.




You likee?

Pei should be happy because I spent hours looking for my card reader and today when I got up I found it in a place where I searched thoroughly last night. Obviously, it didn't want to be found.
I am so in denial. Lol

Joan

Ahhh.. Fuck you

Dear Diary,

Impulsiveness does not become me-usually.Today, I didn't care.I wanted to get rid of the old part that defined me so I would feel less trapped as I already feel.

So,I chopped off my hair and now i don a hair do that's between a bob and a china doll cut.

Sue me. I look good.

At least now I wouldn't have to care that much about getting it all up into a twist plus if ever I should regret it, I know for a fact that my hair will grow.

God, I hate this job. With my chest pains and all, it really isn't helping. I wonder if anyone knows what I hide under my hat or have they already figured out what an unhappy person I am and will be as long as I stick to this hell hole?

I need to source for a new job quick enough so I could take a month off and just soak under sun, beer in hand and a cigarette in another. I wanna be able to live again.

*sigh* I am currently hating the status of my life.

Joan

Beautiful dawn

Dear Diary,

Am bored out of my wits, it's not funny anymore. I should start doing something productive with my time but I'm too lazy to. Ness's mom is coming down middle of this month and she wants to go pole dancing. Shes' trying to round up people who are crazy enough to go with her. Problem is, as much as I would like to, I have work. Work that doesn't give me the flexibility to do any of these activities although Evie has proposed yoga to me and I really,really wanna join because the schedule is flexible for someone in my nature of work.
Plus, I'll have Evie with me. *grin*

Am counting the days till Gopal gets back although I have no clue when but I really can't wait. I miss having him around and I console myself with hours of online Monopoly. How pathetic. Lol.

A month before I turn 22 and for the first time I don't want to have a big bash but spend it with him. Huge celebrations wouldn't mean a thing if he isn't around. The only thing worth celebrating right now is his coming home for good.

I really am not used to this long distance relationship. I don't know how people do it. I'm practically hanging by a thread at days. *sigh*

Ah well, I have my monopoly.

Love,
Joan

Sleep deprived

Dear Diary,

Keep getting dreams about me getting married. Told Gopal about it and he laughed his man tities off. Idiot.

It was a really nice dream to wake up to aside from the previous dream of me beating the shit out of a certain someone. *contented sigh*

Ooo...I spent dinner last night with Eugene and Ness at East Coast Park's old Satay Club. Twas great dinner with great food and great company, as always. It has been a long time since I met up with Eugene, plus we'd spend as much time together just to get Abbey jealous. *smirk*

Love you Bie!Thank you for lending your boyfriend to me last night!

Hahaha...anyways, went down to KL recently for a very brief visit to the parents place and I met my 5 year old niece, Nurshahana (we decided to rename her Shanelle instead because she only responds to "Baby"),for the very first time. My mom kidnapped her during her recent holiday to Sabah.

This is the little angel.



Would you believe that this little angelic face is a racist? Yes, she desn't like anyone with a darker skin tone so we've taken the liberty to expose her to my dad 24/7. I think she's getting confused with colours now that we insist he's white.
I really can't wait when she sees Gopal in December. When I showed her a picture of him, she called him Ju-on.

She has so much to learn and I have so much to teach. Nel doesn't make it easier for anyone by tormenting the poor kid. I called the house recently and my mom was not around so she put Nel in charge of babysitting Baby. When asked where Baby was, my darling sis who by the way I hope never has children, replied that she left her upstairs, ALONE, to play. When my mom finds out, she'd be the chicken who got run over by an 18 wheeler truck because she got distracted while trying to cross the road.

In other news, my darling boyfriend is a pain in the ass sometimes. He called me in the middle of the night, waking me up from deep slumber so he could talk and when I did, he decided to go to bed. I was up all night cursing him and playing Monopoly. Thus the life of a girlfriend who is too far away from her other half to hit him when he does things like this.

Geram.

I hate him right now and he deserves it.

Joan

My life is for rant(ing)

Dear Diary,

Just got back from coffee outing with Abbey. Was really good catching up with her after so long. Kinda miss coming home to her and her stories.

One of the topics we covered over the two hours together were

Me: Abbey, I can't wait for Gopal to get back.
Abbey: I understand. U must miss him a lot.
Me: Oh, no. I just want to hit him when he does something wrong instead of 
      screaming over it on the phone.

Yes, diary, I hit him and I want to hit him now too. Why? Because of this conversation;

Me: Damn tired la baby moving the things around
Gopal: We must get two maids then for the house
Gopal: But they must look like the Pussy Cat Dolls
Me : Bloody hell, what for then?
Gopal: Ya la, at least I got something to look at when they clean up the house

Diary, you see what I mean? how can I not want to hit him?
Real idiot bin idiot. Damn geram.

Anyways, playing Monopoly yet again with my Nel. I'm just damn bored or just plain addicted to it. Denial. The first phase of addiction.

Wokie, go to get ready for flight now. Can't wait to quit. It's getting a little too tiring for me.

Love,
Joan

Cashin my love for materials

Dear Diary,

Early and long day tomorrow but yours truly is still awake cleaning up and arranging stuff for the Oct 5th prayers. Gopal has this whole pile of mess which he claims he needs and I really don't see the reason in keeping an old tattered wallet filled with old receipts. It has gone beyond repairing.

Men. *roll eyes*

There's a whole list of things to do even after acomplishing so many today. The list seems to be reproducing itself to my inconvience. *sigh*

I just got back from Brisbane yesterday after spending two whole days with the injured other half. He broke his wrist so his right hand is in a cast. Poor boy can't even write to safe his life now. But then again he deserves it.
Vanessa was down for a day too and we took her to Sizzlers for dinner and Victory for after dinner drinks. I was really glad Ness and Gopal got along so well. Plus it was quite entertaining watching them both trying to communicate with sarcasm and it was just good having the two most reliable people who I adore and love, around.

I spent the last few hours trying to beat Ashley and Giri in Monopoly. T.r.i.e.d. and failed miserably even after Ash and I started passing cash to each other. How pathetic is that? *laughs*

Anyways, spent half the day in Ikea buying household stuff for well, duh, the house and redecorating our room. I like what I bought although I do admit I could have cut costs from a few places. I just felt like spending today I guess. S$450 is what you call spending enough for the month on me.

Gopal just told me of his plan to round up the troops and head over to Stradbroke Island for a few days in Nov and I am going to TRY and get off days for it. Plus, I promised Sue-Ann I would plan something for our 22nd Bdays. This time I want to spend it with him. No being away in Seoul and in my room alone with my stuffed moose, Detango, as the only companion. Although I did make up for that with a huge bash. Tee hee.

Anyways, I'm off to bed. Lotsa things to do but first m.u.s.t. p.e.e.e.e.

Love,
Joan

For the wasted life which is you

Dear Diary,

Talk about an eventful day. Pei was right, my life is full of drama. I've got one question tho. Why would anyone be so free to come over and sent uncalled for messages which sparked a very angry me? I've left you alone for oh, so long but why would you wanna go do that? Look, like i've said, go on by if you have nothing nice to say, you make a better person but still you find it impossible let a sleeping dog lie.

I'm not going to reason with anyone because I do not owe anyone anything. Whoever you are, I do not care anymore because it really isn't worth it. Your comments will not be deleted as to show to the rest how low you are. When the time comes, I will delete it but for now I want everyone to know that there are assholes like you around. I know you used a third party nick because any idiot could've guess that. I'd be ashamed if I were you because you are so afraid of me to even own up to it.

That is sad.

tsk tsk tsk to you.

Joan